A Case of Eloquence

　　A doctor once told me about one of his outpatients who suffered from the disease of eloquence:

　　"Please sit down," the doctor told him.

　　"Why should I?" the patient asked. "Are you going to deprive me of my right not to sit down?"

　　The doctor could say nothing but offered him a glass of water. "Have some water then.”

　　The patient retorted, “This is lop-sided talk, so it is absurd. Not all water is drinkable. If you put same potassium cyanide in it, it will be undrinkable. "

　　The doctor said, "1 didn't put any poison in it. Please rest assured."

　　"Who said you put poison in it? Do you mean to say that 1 am lodging a false accusation against you? Has it been written cat the indictment of the procurator that you have put poison in the water? I didn't say you had put poison in it, but you claimed that I said you had put poison in it. So you have indeed put in move poisonous poison against met"

　　The doctor could not but heave a sigh and switched to another topic, “It's fine today.”

　　The patient replied, "Nonsense! The fact that it is fine here doesn't mean that it is fine everywhere else in the world. At the North Pole, for example, it must be freezing, with strong winds, long nights and icebergs colliding with one another. . . "

　　The doctor couldn't help but retorted, "Ibis is not the North Pole."

　　The patient argued, “You can't deny the existence of the North Pole. If you do, you'll be distorting facts with ulterior motives."

　　Finally the doctor begged him, "Please go away."

　　The patient again answered back. "You have no right to order me to leave. Yours is a hospital, not a public security office. So you can't arrest me, nor shoot me to death. "

　　An investigation revealed the fact that this patient had joined the so-called “Lung Xiao” (An organization doing the Cultural Revolution that wrote the major articles which voiced the opinions of the Gang of Four. Here "Xiao" also implies "Loyalty to the Gang of Four.") writing group. What he was suffering from may have been the after-effects of that period.

　　雄辯癥

　　一位醫(yī)生向我介紹，他們?cè)陂T診中接觸了

　　一位雄辯癥病人。醫(yī)生說(shuō)：“請(qǐng)坐�！�

　　病人說(shuō)：“為什么要坐呢?難道你要?jiǎng)儕Z我的不坐權(quán)嗎?”

　　醫(yī)生無(wú)可奈何，倒了一杯水，說(shuō)：“請(qǐng)喝水吧。”

　　病人說(shuō)：“這樣談問(wèn)題是片面的，因而是荒謬的，并不是所有的水都能喝。例如你如果在水里攙上氰化鉀，就絕對(duì)不能喝�！�

　　醫(yī)生說(shuō)：“我這里并沒有放毒藥嘛。你放心! ”

　　病人說(shuō)：“誰(shuí)說(shuō)你放了毒藥了呢?難道我誣告你放了毒藥?難道檢察院起訴書上說(shuō)你放了毒藥?我沒說(shuō)你放毒藥，而你說(shuō)我說(shuō)你放了毒藥，你這才是放了比毒藥還毒的毒藥!”

　　醫(yī)生毫無(wú)辦法，便嘆了口氣，換一個(gè)話題說(shuō)：“今天天氣不錯(cuò)�！�

　　病人說(shuō)：“純粹胡說(shuō)八道!你這里天氣不錯(cuò)，并不等于全世界在今天都是好天氣。例如北極，今天天氣就很壞，刮著大風(fēng)，漫漫長(zhǎng)夜，冰山正在撞擊……”

　　醫(yī)生忍不住反駁說(shuō)：“我們這里并不是北極嘛�！�

　　病人說(shuō)：“但你不應(yīng)該否認(rèn)北極的存在。你否認(rèn)北極的存在，就是歪曲事實(shí)真相，就是別有用心�！�

　　醫(yī)生說(shuō):“你走吧。”

　　病人說(shuō)：“你無(wú)權(quán)命令我走。你是醫(yī)院.不是公安機(jī)關(guān)，你不可能逮捕我，你不可能槍斃我。”

　　……經(jīng)過(guò)多方調(diào)查，才知道病人當(dāng)年參加過(guò)“梁效”的寫作班子，估計(jì)可能是一種后遺癥。